My unfortunate family

Sometimes blogs are used as a way of blotting down how great ones life is or to focus on impersonal posts that are for decorative or entertainment purposes. I prefer to use my blog as a way of blotting my thoughts and ideas and my feelings, to also debrief when times are tough and for people to have a rare glimpse of who I really am. I'm not always funny and happy all the time. Sometimes I am around people but still lonely. Sometimes I think I am right when I am wrong.



This is my thoughts today, maybe people who read this might understand me a little better.



I went to church yesterday, back to my original church. It was like walking back into my lounge room. I've realized that they are more family than my real family. I don't have anything to do with my mothers family, over the years I've learnt that I just don't like them. When a grandmother focuses on teaching her great grandchildren how to swear, its not exactly the environment I want my kids bought up in.

Last year, after the death of my dad, they tried to buy my mums love (as my grandmother tries to do with everyone). She conned my mother into living with her and becoming totally dependant on my grandmother, not even being able to have her own thoughts and ideas and my mums life revolving around taking her to her many doctors appointments even though there is nothing wrong with her.

If you know me well you will also know I say exactly how it is. I'll also stick up for myself and my family no matter what. This is why my grandmother doesn't like me. She once told me that if my dad had a grave she would dance and spit on it....nice hey...that was two weeks after he died....She has no heart but most of all she lacks the ability to love someone. She thinks money can buy her love but unfortunately all the family members that gain financially from her think she is a big nutter too butthey all put up with it to get things from her.

Its taken until now for my mum to realize that environment was not the best for her, today she is now trying to rebuild her life without the negative influences that she had around her and she is doing really well....

I guess because I have intelligence, I can be a target for jealously. A big joy is knowing I don't have to resort to selling soaps and working in a shoe shop because I lack the grey matter between my ears. I got a career and a life and don't feel it necessary to sponge off elderly people to get by. I look after my own.

I've lost alot in the last 12 months, my house, my job for having a baby, my dad. But I cannot stress about things I cannot change. I have to pick my feet up and move on. That's what i am doing. So is my mum.

I have some amazing special people in my life and I am so grateful for them:



Megan: like a sister to me if not more. We have completely different lifestyles but have common ground. She is amazing. I'm so grateful for reacquainting myself with her after our school reunion last year. Now we are in daily contact and she means the world to me.



Kerensa: A far more wiser person than I ever will be. Without a doubt she would be there for me at a drop of a hat. Loosing our dads just months apart was hard. She has two great kids and if not for them we wouldn't have met. Things do happen for a reason.



Kylie: and OUR beautiful baby Amelia. After loosing contact for 2 years, we are back and as thick as thieves. I take great pride in knowing that I can handle your personality even in the most difficult of circumstances and will forever have a special bond with Amelia as I cut her cord.......Bec isn't missed she is an amazing young women and I can't wait to one day see her playing bowls for Australia.



My midwifery mates: We have developed great friendships and even though we come from all corners of the world and have different lifestyles we always look out for each other and not a day goes by when I don't enjoy coming to work. I look forward to every Thursday as its our catch up day and gossip day...hehehehe....I can't wait until our 'half way there party' in a few weeks.



The Dicksons: who at a drop of a hat every single one of them go out of their way to be there for us yet are happy to slip into the background with no expectations of something in return.



My dads family: In the last year my dads sister passed away after a big battle with cancer. Her last words I heard her say was when someone asked what she was thinking, she turned and looked so peaceful and said 'Terry actually', that's my dad!!!! I'll keep that in my memory bank forever. My Aunty Hazel passed away exactly this time last year, she was the sweetest lady ever. I miss her very much and my dad was very close to her. My dads family have been having a Christmas party every year for the past 49 yrs, its a tradition and I look forward to catching up with them every year- its a highlight and kicks off the Christmas festivities.



Berni and Oskar: My ex sister in law is more family than my own brothers!!! And Oskar is my cute nephew who I adore but don't get to see nearly as much as I would like.



My Aunty Stevie and Aunty Phil: The only family members on my mums side that I like. Who cares about the rest. My Aunty Stevie is more of a grandmother than my real grandmother



My mummy: Although she is at times the things she does are completely strange, I do love her very much and we really only have each other. Now that her family are no longer in the picture we can enjoy a mother daughter relationship again the way it should be. I'd always look after her no matter how much she pisses me off at times. I love my mummy.



My boys: Cody, Joel and Joshua who mean everything to me. Words can't describe the love you feel for your own flesh and blood.



Stephen: Although our relationship has not been smooth, It can only get better because it cant get much worse.



Well that's my family. I'm not interested in people that attempt to make my life a misery. Your emotions are being wasted on me and I hope and pray every day that you find peace within yourself.

My greatest gift right now is clarity and I've found it.

Post written in Retrospect, this is MY year

Two steps forward, two steps back, it seems to be the story of my life........

But today I decided I'm not gunna let things stop me from achieving my goals. I'm going to work my butt off and do it myself so then when I do complete my middy course and finish I'll be able to thank ME, cause I'm the one that has done it, BY MYSELF.......

I fired my nanny Jess today, for numerous reasons like calling Joel Psycho and making up excuse after excuse of why she can't take Josh to his dance classes and playgroup. Today it was because she couldn't find his shoes...mmmm.... in his ROOM....and then going shopping with him!!!! WTF...do I pay people to shop??????

So stuff it, I'll do it alone. The boys will go into day care that thankfully covers shift workers and my clinic days are covered by child care. The rest will be done by ME.

If I was to win a logie, the first person I'd thank is ME ME ME ME.....

Ok I'll put the violin away now.........

So this year will be MY year. I'm going to do exactly what I set out to achieve. I'll be a midwife and a dam good one at that. I've come this far.

My tattoo's

Give me 20 good reasons

They say love hurts.

I wrote that book.

I climbed that wall, I had one look,

But you just came around to say hello.

The streets were filled with guilty hearts

And here was I right from the start,

And I lost everything when I lost you.

So tell me why should I let you go?

Give me 20 good reasons.

I need to know?

100 posts today

I thought for my 100th post I would share some photos taken last night. Josh is sick and I was in the bath so he jumped in (no peace for a mummy!!)

What does NAB mean??

If I tell you then everyone will know so its my little secret......

mmmm spagettii and meatballs

Happy Mothers Day 2007

Although I had to work this morning, My beautiful big boys woke up early to give me their presents they had bought at the mothers day stall at school and the cards they had made. I noticed that even though I gave them $10 each, the presents were only $5, the little buggers kept the change!!!! As they say its the thought that counts. Josh gave me a lovely big crap before I left for work which was pleasant, I went to work smelling like shit. I also got a new wallet and Joel made me a banana cake with love. Such a sweety. Cody wrote in my card, 'have a smashing mothers day and good luck at work mum' how cute. Its funny how they develop their personalities.

To all the mums, mums to be and mum's of angels- Have a very happy mothers day filled with love.

This is me after finishing my 7th day of work. Very tired to say the least!!!!!!

I guess its not meant to be easy

I'm gunna post this is an attempt to debrief myself from something that happened and remember a little baby lost that I didn't know but had a huge affect on me.
Last night I had a full term baby die on me. I was the one that had to carry the baby as if it was still alive to her parents. I walked past at least 50 people with no one even realizing the little baby was actually dead. I called her by her first name when speaking about her to her parents and when it was time to say goodbye just me and the baby took the long walk back to the morgue by ourselves. On the way back I tucked her into her hospital cot with a pretty little pink hat and as we walked the corridor, I looked at her perfect face and realized that it was only me that actually knew she had passed away. To the average person, I was just pushing a sleeping baby in a cot.

I was ok the whole time until I had to talk to her parents- the devastation on their faces killed me. At least I thought I was ok. I held myself together, speaking softly and only when I had to but completely lost it when I walked back into the nurses station and heard a song with sentimental value on the radio in the background.

It was only then that I realized I'm expected in my job to suck it up and handle these types of situations- you take the good with the bad. But I'm a mum with feelings and a heart and tonight my heart was crushed looking at a perfect little baby that will never have the chance to grow up.

To that little girl and her family, I will never forget last night. Her little face, the clothes she was dressed in and her name will forever be imprinted in my mind.

In no way am I making someone else's grief mine, I just wanted to post this in a hope that I can look back in years to come and see that once upon a time I did have feelings and to remind myself to never desensitise myself to not have feelings for someone else's pain or happiness.

Just because I chose the career I am in doesn't mean I can now handle everything, it just means that sometimes I get to have bad days too, the only difference is mine are life changing.

This mothers day I'll be giving extra kisses and cuddles to my boys and my heart goes out to that mum last night as well as a dear friend of mine that lost her little boy a few months back. My thoughts and prayers are with you ( you know who you are).

International Midwives day

On Friday night I celebrated International Midwives day. Here is me and fellow Midwifery student Susan enjoying ourselves

Our Nanny Jess

This is our nanny Jessica, she has become part of our family and Im glad she likes us. I'm sure we test her at times but somehow we make it work.

PIcs of Matt and Kylies wedding

Getting to know me

So how well do you know me? Don't you hate it when you get the emails and you have to answer all those questions about yourself? I decided to make up a few questions for myself, questions that you may have never been game enough to ask or clubmeegan facts you had no idea about.........

Person I most admire? Norma Jean aka Marilyn Monroe

First Kiss? Year 5 at a birthday party, the guys name was Darren Zarb and he ate baked beans and tasted really gross, took me another 4 years to kiss a guy again.

First time drunk? New Caledonia 1994, working for maccas we got free drinks and I took advantage of it.

Original wedding day? 26th April 1997, intended bridesmaids were Cherie Dickson, Catherine Mitchell and Leanne Bendall.

Best pregnancy advice that was actually useful and true? Your fanny lips swell!! (thanks Catherine), and Kathleen telling me she used icey poles to ease the problem....hehehe

Most embarrasing moment? I don't get embarrased.

Best day ever? 21st January 2007.

Worst day ever? Some day in May 2005, too bad I forgot the actual day but it was a thursday.

Original career? Social work or police force.

Favourite name? Lilly Rose for girl, Cody, Joel and Joshua for a boy.

Worst habit? Too much information

Best habit? my honesty and loyalty

TV shows I have been on? Live it up, 1994

TV shows I have tried to go on? Australian Survivor 2001
Biggest loser 2005
Biggest loser 2006
Big Brother 2006

mmmm will think of more and add them. Got a question you want me to add???

Yes I'm slack

Or maybe I have a life, not sure which one.

I haven't updated my blog cause I've been busy working, moving and settling in at the compound. Been a busy time. Just getting the time to check my emails is hard in itself.

I promise I will fill you in with all the entertaining stories that you are expecting from me....

And no mum Amelia isn't Steves baby!!! She has a little bit of red hair. Funny comment though.

I've been in postnatal for the past few weeks after spending 7 weeks in delivery. Its good if you want a cuddle from a newborn as by the third day some women tend to give you their baby as they don't know how to stop it from crying....I've been called the baby whisperer cause I whisper in the babys ear and it stops crying to listen to what I say- try it, it really works. I'm secretly swearing at the baby and they know its naughty so they stop....hahaha, not really.

I went to a conference on Friday night, got dressed up to celebrate International Midwives day- its hard to believe I fit into that title now- Midwife-. I'll add photos as soon as I download them.

I also had my first weekend off or first day off in 5 months on the weekend!!!! Yep, 5 months of running around, working, driving etc and for 2 whole days I did what I wanted to do.....

Also got some news, I'm back to wearing glasses now. Its funny cause everything is so clear, I study peoples faces because I haven't seen this well in years. It also adds to a certain level of intelligence, I need all the help I can get.

I posted some more photos from the wedding and birth!!!! Check em out, didnt have alot of time to be real creative

Happy Birthday Dad

Friday 20th April 2007 would have been my dads 57th Birthday.

Happy Birthday dad

Russell Crowe

I almost forgot to tell you

I SAW RUSSELL CROWE!!!! I was waiting to fuel up at the Woolworths petrol plus on Monday and looked over at this really nice car. I think it was an Audi?? It was black and looked really sleek. The number plate was GT C. So I'm staring at this car and then looked at the guy who was fueling up and it was Russell Crowe, in Taree at Woolworths petrol plus. Well blow me down!!

I said hi and he ignored me, so I said 'Hi Russell' and he ignored me again. I then thought it may have been a Russell Crowe look a like. My phone rang and it was Stephen. I told Steve that good ole Rusty was about 4 metres from me. He didn't believe me of course. So I called out to Russell and said 'Hey Russell can you tell my boyfriend you are here??" With that Russell said " Im filling up my car now with Petrol and can't come to the phone". He was so rude but when I think about it I was actually asking him to talk on a mobile phone with a petrol bouser right near him. I feel slightly silly now...hehehe

He was arrogant, and slightly rude and he could have smiled politely. I didn't want to take a photo incase he threw my phone at me or yelled at me. His presence came across as a big tough guy and he was very intimidating.

I guess if you choose to be a star you need to expect to be recognised and do your little bit of PR work and smile on occasions, after all it is people like me who buy his movies.

Anyways, thats another claim to fame for me.....

If I spread myself any thinner they would name a margarine after me!!!!

After my last post and whingeing about being bored (for a whole 4 hours), my week certainly heated up!! I'm going to have to do this post in stages as so many things happened its hard for me to think straight. So let me start at the very beginning......

My afternoon shift was terrible, baby's popping out everywhere, no time to have a break (which is nothing unusual)!! One lady even delivered as she was being pushed in on an ambo trolley- that's what I call an express lane!!! So I go home and trying to unwind decide to open a lovely bottle of red and drink it over a nice warm Mc Chicken...mmm..... I end up going to bed at about 1am happy that I would have a sleep in the next day... But NOOOOO.....Then this happens.....I get a text message from my friend Kylie at 4:16am:

'My fukn water broke 0330hrs! Had a showa ready to go wen time
rite, nuthn else diff.'

OMG!!!! Im her support person and at least 3.5hrs away!!!!

I jumped on the phone and yelled at her for not
ringing in case I missed the sms and while speaking to her managed to
get dressed and be in the
car and on my way within about 4 minutes..... She
wasn't in pain which was good and was quiet calm. I told her I was already on
the pacific highway on my way and would be there as soon as I could. She went to
wake her parents and daughter. I knew she had a 2 hour labour last time and was worried everything would happen quickly and I wouldn't be there in time
for her......I managed to reach the hospital just before 7am, in a record-
2.5hrs and was there 5 minutes before Kylie and her parents!

I should explain to you that Kylie was going solo with no partner, after 16 years we all thought she had found a really nice guy that she could settle down with- that was until the day he put a pillow over her head when she was 14 weeks pregnant and tried to suffocate her!!! Worse still I heard it all as I was on the phone to him trying to calm him down!!!! So as only a best bud would do I stepped in and took over the farchar (father) role. I went to most of her appointments, we went to the 4D ultrasound together and now I would be welcoming our little princess into the world..We even joined a website so we could talk to other expectant mothers that were due around the same time. We have made some nice friends and this has been really important as Kylie pretty much had no one else but me.

So........

The birth of....... (you gotta hear the story first!!)

Getting to the Hospital at 7am, we walk in only to be greeted by what I describe in my own words as cranky arse lesbian midwives(aka CALM) who seem to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and take it out on poor unsuspecting mothers to be. Weren't they in for a shock when I walked in as a support person considering I chose to do my midwifery in a far more superior teaching hospital, and a voice to advocate for my mate Kylie.

From the word go, I had a feeling this was going to be a very long day. Ducking out for 5 minutes to buy Kylie a present, I received a call from her to come back straight away. When I got back, the doctor had been in to see her and said that even though her waters had broken they were going to leave her for 24hrs to see if she would go into labour by herself- funny thing was, she was already in labour!!! The CTG machine showed clear uterine activity and to palpate she felt like she was having good mild to moderate contractions with good tone but lacked intensity and Kylie was in absolutely no pain (yes, I was secretly palpating her belly to see...hehehe). Kylie was upset that she had to wait another 24hrs so me being me went out and spoke to the doctor and pretty much told them to induce her because that's what she wanted. The doctor agreed, the midwives were pissed off but at least they were not going to leave her hanging like a shag on a rock waiting for labour. At this stage she hadn't dilated (not that they knew as they hadn't done an internal yet) and it took them until 4pm to finally start the induction!!!

So we waited, mucking around taking photos, reading and eating, reading posts on our mummy's website and texting friends. We were having fun and Kylie was relaxed but yet I couldn't understand why she wasn't feeling the contractions. By 8pm she decided her mum and daughter were tired and should go home so it was just me and her. I was sooo tired and trying hard not to fall asleep as Kylie was wide awake. We went for walks, she had a shower, we talked to keep each other occupied but still nothing. This is weird, she was now having a good dose of the drug Syntocinon with no affect. Surely something must be going on.

It was at about this time that I decided to use the toilet in the room so I didn't have to walk 100 metres to the public one..I have an issue with public toilets (see previous posts).....Kylie needed to go straight after me and as I lay down resting on the recliner chair she called out these exact words "You dirty bitch, get your arse in here now". Before I had even got up off the chair I proclaimed my innocence declaring that if it was a pubic hair it wasn't mine as I was well and truly groomed in that department and I swear I did not piss on the seat. She started laughing and told me to get in here now. I reluctantly got up and walked in only to see a hospital towel floating in the toilet bowl...I must have knocked it in when I went. We both laughed so hard we were crying and when the CALM came in she thought we must of been the weirdest people, laughing at a wet towel. I couldn't even contain myself to walk out of the room and put it in the laundry skip. I would just crack up laughing.The toilet incident!!


It certainly made for a very light and funny moment. By 11pm Kylie's 3rd different CALM aka Midwife came on to look after her. I don't know what happened but I fell asleep and apparently was talking to Kylie, I think I said to her 'oh don't worry thats normal' (my answer for everything by then), she said I sounded funny but was just delirious from working for the past 5 days and having been awake for almost 24 hrs....

By 1am when nothing had started, and the induction was now 9 hrs into it with no painful contractions the Midwife decided to do an internal to see what was happening!!! Well hallelujah, there is a God, finally someone was going to see what was happening. The midwife told Kylie- either your baby is bald or you have membranes INTACT!!! Do you think they could have told the poor girl this 20hrs ago!!!!! The doctor was called and told Kylie she could either have her forewaters broken as she must have ruptured her hindwater membranes which meant that a pocket of fluid was preventing baby's head from moving down and her to dilate or they could wait to morning and do it then.....She told them to do it now!!!!`

Within about half an hour Kylie was in established labour and alot of pain...I can never describe the feeling I felt when she looked at me and begged me to do something. She wasn't coping with the pain. I've seen many ladies in labour but this was the worst and affected me because I had been there for her through all the ups and downs of being pregnant. I was trying not to cry and was having trouble hiding the fact that I felt so sorry for her and couldn't take the pain away. I now know how husbands feel- helpless is the only word. I talked her through every single contraction and ended up getting her some Nitrous Oxide. Its funny watching people suck the happy gas in, they say the strangest things. She was doing so well and after about an hour of hell she got an epidural. By 7am she was feeling the pain again and they gave her a top up. By 8am she was fully dilated and ready to push this baby out, only problem was, baby was now unhappy and Kylie couldn't feel anything. It was decided that a vacuum extraction might be the only answer.....

So with a drum roll it is with great pleasure to introduce our little princess

Amelia Jane weighing 3150gms and 48.5cm long.......

A very big thank you to our cyber friend and mum to be Shannon, aka crossing fingers and toes, for all the help and sms support you gave us during a very long labour.

We both ended up being awake for more than 30 hrs!!!!! I was exhausted.....

But for me it doesn't end there.

The next day I had to go to a wedding.....I was stuffed but drove the 3.5hrs back down to Sydney to attend my ex school mate and partner in crime Matthew and his now wife Kylie's wedding. I have lots of photos but I've been typing for ages so, Ive just attached 2. I'll post more photos tomorrow.

A Big Congrats to Matt and Kylie on a lovely day and a life of happiness. Kylie you looked beautiful and I hope your day was everything you dreamt of and more......

But it doesn't end there.....

I'm now back in Sydney after going home the following day and have to finish the week off before officially relocating to the staff quarters with the kids and nanny........I really should be skinny by now....and if I must say so myself I looked pretty hot at the wedding....hehehehe

My little angel

My darling baby boy decided to lock himself in the car yesterday with my mobile phone and car keys!!!! We ended up calling the NRMA to get him out but not before he rang a few people up and sent sms messages to people. He thought it was very funny. I only became concerned when he got the car keys (you can see them behind him on the seat), and put them in the ignition and tried to turn the car on!!!!! And they say boys are easier?????? Yeah right!

Lips of an angel

Song of the moment by Hinder:

Honey why are you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why are you crying is everything okay
I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And yes I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girls in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
(And I never wanna say goodbye)
But girl you make it so hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
Honey why are you calling me so late

Gotta love this

You would be amazed at the amount of women who make sure they don't eat the wrong foods, etc when pregnant but light up a smoke in between contractions. Or decide to give up and go on a heath kick after the birth!!!! STOOPID...

What The????????? Elizabeth Taylor???

http://www.myheritage.com

I look like the kid out of the wonder years???? Thats so uplifting....Thanks Lana for giving me the idea to do this. Its always nice to know you look like a boy or man. And don't get me started on Elizabeth Taylor, she was 50 when this photo was taken.

Funny Joshua

Joshua is starting to come out with really funny things. He now says in a very clear voice:

Oh my God

God

Gasps then says god

Says "NOT" after a sentence.

Mine

Coby or Copie for Cody and Joel

Jess

He now also answers the phoneand can send sms messages......clever little boy

Tsunami Warning

Thank you to my dear, kind thoughtful friends who FAILED to INFORM me of an impending Tsunami!!!!!

In case you forgot, I live DIRECTLY opposite the PACIFIC OCEAN. I spent the whole day blissfully unaware that there was a Tsunami warning all up the east coast. I wasted many hours mowing the lawn and if I was aware would have spent the day perched high on a hill with a few bottles of wine....BUT NOONE CARED.

Because of ALL my friends (do I even have any) complacentness I've decided to do the only thing sensible and move to a safer place- WESTMEAD. Or at least for the rest of the year. Yep that's right, I am returning to the big smoke. My new home will be 'The compound' AKA the staff quarters. The boys are coming with me and so is my lovely nanny who is great.

Other than that, life moves on. I have a new hobby- pole dancing. Yep. Started last week with an informal attempt at a stop sign on the way home, and next week will begin professional classes. Seriously, its true, I'll take photos.....

Other than that, I'm learning how to put gloves on real fast when a baby decides to come into the world really quick.

Hello.........

Yes, I'm back, been a busy life I'm leading over the last few weeks. Done a few crazy things, shaved my head, went into rehab, went out of rehab, applied for a divorce, went back into rehab, lost custody of my kids, went out of rehab.......mmmmm life sounds oddly familiar....Oh yes and changed my name to Britney Spears...Haha

REALLY........I've been catching babies, going to uni, driving, looking after children, driving and catching babies.

Some days have been really strange, like yesterday for instance I....oh can't tell you that one......

Ok I've got one for you,

The other day was strange, I was having one of those days where everything seemed like something out of a Seinfeld episode.

First: I hate using public toilets but at uni don't mind as they seem quiet clean. So busting to use the lavatory, I was sitting in the cubicle when I heard this enormous 'man fart'. I was holding back laughing as it was obviously in a ladies toilet, but this fart would put any average male to shame. Huge, with great tone and intensity to say the least. So composing myself I walked out of the loo and washed my hands at the same time as another lady was. She turned and gave me a dirty look, like I was the mystery cubicle farter. OMG how embarrassing, I tried to use non verbal communication to let her know it wasn't me but she walked away. How horrible to know that someone in the world thinks I fart like a man.....

Second: I have a habit of not watching where I walk and trip over all the time. I was walking to the station to catch a a train home to Taree when I kicked a can and it hit the young guy in front of me and he trip over on it. Apparently a good Sydney friend of mine told me I've been in Sydney for too long as I walked straight past him like the rest of the crowd. I feel heaps guilty now, if it was up here I would have helped him up and had him over for dinner.

Third: Finally on the train I was able to rest. I sat in my seat which was next to the window and my neighbour for the trip to my right was an older man who stunk of crusty ass and alcohol. After 4 hours of this stench I decided to get up and get a coffee but he was asleep. So carefully planning my escape route, I placed my right hand on the top of his seat and lifted my left leg over his lap, right then the train went around a bend and as I straddled my stinky neighbour he woke up!!! Yep with me about an inch from his face. The two people behind us sniggered and I politely explained I wasn't taking advantage of him just trying to get out for a coffee and fresh air. When I came back, I found him asleep again so I attempted to get into my seat the same way (which was the only way). This time he stayed asleep but I secretly wonder whether or not he was really asleep or just pretending.

So that was just one of my days

This is pretty much a standard day for me with always something happening. I long for the day I have nothing exciting to say or drama to speak of.

I'M ALIVE........

Just letting you all know Im alive and well. Been flat our catching babies and working my butt off.

Got heaps funny stuff to tell you but don't have the time.

Will fill you in soon........

Why I live where I live?????

People ask me all the time why I work in Sydney and live on the Mid North Coast and there is only one simple answer. This photo is taken from my bedroom window, I look straight out to sea. In whale season I can watch whales go by from my bed!!!!

Now is that a good enough reason????

Why adults should shower alone

Coming home from a hard weeks work, Stephen proceeded to tell me about the weeks events. At the top of his list was an incident between him and Joshua when they were having a shower (if you ever have kids you will know how impossible it is to have a shower without a little person wanting to come in). Washing his hair, full of shampoo, Josh was playing around with some toys and the plastic part of a razor with no razor head on it (obviously), not looking down, Stephen felt this sharp pain in his left testicle, Joshua had the razor in his hand and had proceeded to not only jab Stephen in the nether regions but also twist it at the same time. As described by Stephen, he felt the pain sear right up to his teeth and back again. I thought it was funny and reminded him of the time I was in labour and he asked me not to overdose on the gas!!!! haha Karma is a great thing...

A week that was...

Full on week this week. I've come to some conclusions that I MUST abide by in order to stay alive and not risk killing myself in some freak accident.
The first one is:

I shall never touch the car again other than put petrol in it and put the key in and turn it on.

This is because I decided to fill my car with oil and couldn't get the cap open so I took the dipstick out and careful filled up the dipstick holder with oil as I thought the two were joined and the oil would go into the bigger part where the oil is meant to go. I then got the lid off the oil part thingy and poured the rest of the 4 litres in. So, as you might have guessed I had oil coming out of the dip stick holder and the main oil container thingy. So because all men are stupid and I couldn't find a decent one to help me, I got a nasal gastric tube and a 2o ml syringe and proceeded to surgically remove the oil from the two parts. I didn't scrub up but did get some funny looks as I was in the staff quarters where Doctors live, maybe for some fun I should have put on a surgical mask just for my own amusement.

Secondly, I thought filling the car up with water would be a simple task. I did it as per the manual and was putting the cap on when opppssss I dropped the cap down into the engine bay and couldn't reach it. I looked everywhere for a torch but all I could find was some Christmas lights, so I plugged the flashing coloured chrissy lights in and carefully fed them through the motor to see where the cap was. At this point Joshua decided to drape himself in Christmas lights and looked quiet pretty. Just then Steve pulled up with a friend, here I was with Josh looking like he was ready for the mardi gras and me decorating the car engine with Christmas lights so I could see. So I did the only thing any normal person would do, I got the lid off the milk container and put that on instead. A week later its still holding.

Then, last but not least, after a long nightshift I decided to go up the shops and get the paper before going to bed, I didn't notice the keep left sign as I turned right and you guessed it, took the keep left sign out- head on. My poor car will never be the same.

So besides from that, things have been pretty good. Check out my other blog 'the life and times of unit 147 for details on whats been happening in the compound.

The fairy with the glowing hair

This is me, the magical fairy with glowing hair that can blow magical fireworks in the air

Finally the photos....

The two queens and some fireworks

Now thats a SHIP!!!!!

Decided to take myself and my flatmate for a leisurely drive on Tuesday and dunk my feet in the ocean. So we headed down to the harbour and to our surprise saw these too massive big boats, named after some Queens. I took photos but You'll have to wait to see them as I haven't downloaded them yet.

I cannot describe the size of these monsters, looking at the Queen Mary and the Queen Elizabeth was out of this world.

The night was made even more special being locked in the botanical gardens by some mean spirited rangers. It wasn't like we were the only ones in the park, he locked the gates on 1000's of people.

The leisurely walk from central railway station to Circular key was also full of colour. If I ever have a mental illness (if I don't already have one), then I hope I get one that makes me see funny stuff. This guy was pissing himself laughing right next to us for a good few 100 metres, and me being the person I am couldn't help myself and started laughing too....My flat mate, who is a shy English girl was laughing at me laughing at him. This guy had great material cause whatever was making him laugh was hysterical. Maybe he had just left one of those laughing workshops and he couldn't stop, or maybe he had a disease that made him laugh all the time, like a tick. Wouldn't it be horrible if you had Turettes Syndrome, or narcolepsy or you had that disease that made you orgasm all the time...mmmm.....imgine if you had all three???

How did I get to that point? I was talking about boats before.

So yes the boats were good, about 1000000 people all through Sydney and the police service decide to have an RDO.

Fireworks were amazing, like NYE in Sydney. Can't wait to add the photos.

Snow patrol was very cool. Only the Irish and English people knew all their songs but I did get a live video of chasing cars- just imagine 1000's of people singing the one song. It was awesome.

Looked after a baby that weighed 980gms and saw one that weighed 680gms. I'm getting used to all the really small sized baby's, a normal baby actually looks massive compared to there little suckers.

And it continues.......

Like flies to a big pile of dog doo doo, so does the excitement and dramas that surround my everyday life.
I'm back off to Sydney in about half an hour. I don't mind the drive so much, its great to listen to my favourite tunes and let my mind wonder.
I guess in years to come hopefully I will look back at my blog and have a little laugh at how I beat the hard times and came through shining at the other end.
I've got another hurtle to overcome now too. For months I haven't been all that well. I was concerned and so were my doctors that I have the same cancer as my dad. I was suppose to have some tests done in August last year but held off until after my school reunion, I didn't want to go knowing I may have the same death sentence as my dad.

I had the tests and they came back negative. I didn't have that nasty arse disease that randomly picks the nicest people.

So I continued on with life until my problems kept on continuing. I'd have 'attacks' similar to an anaphalatic reaction and an asthma attack combined. Now they have decided that I could possibly have 'Carcinoid Syndrome', which is basically a tumour in the gut or intestines or bowel that releases too much histamine or other chemicals. I've now officially finished this test and will wait the results in the next few days, the longer I don't hear anything the better the news is. If this is positive, it means I have to see an oncologist to decide whether or not they can find it and remove it. Its pretty slow growing so hopefully it isn't too big but secretly I am hoping its about 4kg and somewhere in my stomach so when I come out of surgery I'll have a nice flat washboard stomach. hehe so immature aren't I?

Basically for me, it means that I continue on with life, continue to not grow up and remain immature, and continue doing exactly what I am now until the last possible second. My dad went back to work after having his Kidney out 6 days after, he continued to work during chemo treatment occasionally pulling over on the side of the road to spew, I guess I am alot like my dad. I don't intend on changing a thing.

So there you go, another bloody thing to deal with, like working and studying and kids weren't enough.

But don't right me off just yet, I have lots more living to do.

P.S can you please remind me that blondes don't need to dye their hair blonder. I made the mistake of going 6 shades lighter and I now look like an albino- my hair is WHITE!!! and no I won't be posting any pics anytime soon. I'm officially in hiding...

To my dear friend Matthew and his partner Kylie

May your wedding in April be a special day for both of you.

Life can be hard sometimes but I know that the two of you will work together and have a happy life together.

Marriages and relationships are not easy, and it does take alot of work, heck I should know, but by working together as a team you can work though anything.

Just remember, as long as you are best friends, you trust each other completely and you have a physical connection (wink wink), any marriage or relationship can work.



I look forward to seeing you Kylie, walk down the aisle as weddings are such a special day and I'm so glad you have allowed me to share it with you.



All the best for the future,



Love you long time,

Goonie Goo Goo

WOW can you see the difference......

The photo on the top is me the night before I went Sydney on the 19th of January, the one on the bottom is me yesterday.... 4 weeks difference....

And the big news is.....

I've lost............

11.9kg.........in that time..........

YAY.....

A second Quote of the week

"All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me...You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."
- Walt Disney

Quote of the week

Your life is your own. This is your very own personal journey through the world. While it never hurts to listen to advice and consider someone else's point of view, you are ultimately responsible for making your own choices. You deserve the chance to learn and grow from your own mistakes - and you deserve for your victories to be your very own!

Taking time out

I turned off the mobile, left it at home and took my family to the beach this afternoon for some major time out. As I walked onto the main part of the beach I saw this......Para sailing surf boarders, horses, How good was this, and all 50 metres from my front door.

I sat down and just forgot the world for an hour, I dug my feet in the sand, and smelt the sea breeze

A lovely self portrait.

Big Brother Helps out!!

This is my stressed look, you can tell by the frown....But I soon destressed and enjoyed a lovely hour relaxing with my boys.

Happy Belated Valentines Day everyone!!!!!!

Snow Patrol- Monday 19th of Feb

I actually got tickets to a show that was sold out in minutes!!!!!! So looking forward to seeing snow patrol in a few days even if it did cost me more than double the ticket price. Sometimes you can't put a price on experience.

A Week In the life of a Student Midwife

Again, I'm home and very excited to have a whole 5 days off. The house is clean, the kids are not sick and I'm on top of all my uni work. So what better way to spend a few hours than to walk across the road and go to the beach. After staying in Sydney with so much cement and dead grass, its nice to walk bear feet on the sand and smell the sea breeze. I'm going to build sandcastles with Joshua and take some photos. I'll be in my element.

The nannygate affair has finally resolved itself. I have a great nanny moving in on Saturday. Jessica seems to be a lovely girl and I hope it works out so I can continue commuting stress free to Sydney.

As far as work is concerned, I'm loving it. Not always good, but I get a chance to have lots of cuddles with very little babies working in the Intensive Care Unit. At first I was a little apprehensive handling the tiniest of tiny babies but now I'm getting used to picking them up and doing what needs to be done. Its great to work with the families and the mums and dads and help them go through a time that is sometimes not as smooth as we would like. Explaining whats happening and empowering them to handle their babies being so small or sick. In 2 weeks Im in the delivery suite. So, again thrown into the deep end, catching baby's (we don't deliver baby's we deliver pizzas, the mums deliver, I just catch).

Valentines Day was yesterday. I had a surprising lovely day and night. Theres nothing like being a little spoilt.

To my anonymous worldly commenter, I moderate all my comments because of you as this is MY CS BLOG, and a way for my FRIENDS, to see what I have been up to, and for me to reflect on events in the past, present and future. One day I'll look back with great memories of that time in my life. My posts are my thoughts and feelings and don't represent another person, corporation or organisation. So basically to you, read another blog, and stay off my blog territory. I don't want to waste my time on a NAB and won't be from now on.

Thats life!!!

Again I start off by letting you all know how great my professional life is going. I love coming to work- I guess that means since I commenced my Midwifery I haven't worked a day yet. The responsibilities are huge, but with that goes reward. To look after a baby who weighs less than a can of coke or to support a vulnerable mother going through labour are things that empower me and make me grow professionally but also impact on me personally too. Its not always good news, or a happy event, some times its tinged with sadness as well.

Commuting to Sydney is interesting. Because I love coming down and then going home the drive so far hasn't been bad. I get lots of time to talk to myself and sing to my fav 80's band. I even videoed myself driving on my phone to see what I looked like- daggy but amusing for myself.

I have decided January is the worst month of the year for me. My dad on the 19th and now his sister, My Aunty, who passed away on Saturday. In 12 months almost to the day, my Nan has lost two children way too early. The hardest thing ever was walking into the hospital and seeing her, but instead of her I saw my dad staring back at me. They have the same eyes, the same shaped head- the same look. She talked to me and when asked what she was thinking about replied 'Terry actually'. Thats my dad, OMG that was hard to listen too. I don't know whether my dad was waiting for her. I always picture my dad not as a sick person but as a big strong man in his police uniform, standing over all of us, kind of still protecting us.

So this week has been hard in more ways than one. Last week I posted a lovely post about someone I so dearly treasure. I was so happy. Then to deal with my Aunty's death and work and uni, I was under a lot of stress.

Yesterday I checked my emails and found the worst comment someone could ever write, left on my public blog. Someone who obviously was a total coward because they left the comment anonymous, voiced their personal opinions on my life and situation as if they knew what I was living and if they had walked in my shoes. Or maybe they just picture themselves as someone higher than thou, someone who lives a perfect existence, in their own little perfect world.

To that person, its OK, you obviously mean nothing to me. To voice your opinions the way you did was the lowest anyone could possibly go and for that reason, I won't share with anyone that part of my life anymore. I'll be selfish and keep my happiness to myself.

I once read this book, its called the bible, you should pick it up sometime. I remember a story about someone removing the log out of their own eye before they try and get the twig out of another....I also remember the bible saying something about an eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.....mmmm obviously this person forgets my amazing memory ability. Your comments have been stored in my memory bank for later use.

I hope all my real friends are well and will be in touch.

take care

The Big Job

A week has gone by and so many things have happened, as per usual in the life of a Williams.

I'm still enjoying my work, looking after babies at the moment in a special care ward. Soon I'll be in the birthing suite and delivering babies everyday. Very scary responsibility but I love it and will enjoy the challenge.

I enjoy it even more because I know I've done this on my own. I've achieved exactly what I wanted to professionally and I'm thrilled to be doing something I love so much.

"It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that

matters, in the end."- Ursula Le Guin

The week that was!!!

I cannot believe I have been a week without Internet or mobile phone. I started my job in Sydney last week and left my recharger for my phone at home, also have no net access but did have my laptop so I started a journal and write stuff in it every week- you never know, one day it might be a best selling book or something...hehehehe

So last week started off with Joshua covering himself in hair removal cream, funny yes, but not at the time. He now has a nice little reseeding hairline with beautiful curls at the back. he put it all over his legs too....this mimicking thing is getting out of control.


Wednesday the 17th saw my big boy turn 11!!! Time flys doesn't it...wow I'm a mummy to an 11yr old. We had a lovely day with family and cooked homemade pizzas for dinner.

Friday was my mums birthday, also the first anniversary of my dads death. I didn't know what to do to take away the day being about my dad rather than my mum, it was a hard one, but me in all my powers and wisdom managed to get Lee Kernaghan tickets. Not only did I get tickets, I also got his P.A's mobile number who just so happened to be sitting next to Lee at the time. I told him my mums story, that it was her birthday and also the day her husband died, and not only did Lee sing a beautiful song and dedicate it to my dad, he also took his hat off at the end which was so beautiful. To top it off we got invited back stage and met him and his band. He was very nice, asked lots of questions and was a true gentleman. We got a happy snap and now instead of that day being focused on my dad, we focused it on giving my mum a small bit of happiness on her special day.

Saturday saw me meet up with a heap of people from a mummy and mummy to be group in Sydney. We met at home bush and had a great time. It was bloody hot but still an enjoyable day.

Sunday was my day of relaxation. I spent the whole day completely relaxed and happy for the first time in a long time. I spent the most amazing day with the most amazing person. For that I am so grateful.

Monday was the beginning of my new career as a Midwife. I've been in special care all week and it is really cool. I completely love it. I have been looking after the smallest babies ever. Its great and Im loving every minute of it.

So I am home now for 3 nights, then back to Sydney for 5 days. Busy but it will be worth it in the end.

I miss my kids like crazy- but doing this to be happy both professionally and personally.

Meeting Lee Kernaghan
My boys on Codys Birthday

My big boy

The Nanny Gate affair

Its not like anything goes smoothly in Williams World. I had it all planned. A nanny from New Zealand, I booked and paid for her airfare, and was all ready to commence work next week and Au Pair was arriving on the 4th of Feb, all my plans finally coming into place.
Yesterday I get an email to say she isn't coming....great...non refundable ticket...may as well give someone I hate a few hundred bucks and it would have been less painful....

Back to the drawing board I guess

Joshua said the funniest things today

My little man is only 16 months old but is coming out with the funniest things.

The other day he looked at my friend and handed an eggplant to her and said "Can I have that'.

Today, he says 'Is today Monday?' I said NOOOOO its Saturday. Wow he is starting to say full sentences.

He also asked me 'what is that for?' when I was doing something in the kitchen.

His little gabbles are coming out really clear and I laugh when he says things like that.

He is my clever little man.

Funny Names

Thought Id share some of the names I found on a website- parents can be so unkind lol, some of them cracked me up but the winner is someone who wrote on a well knows births forum I pop into a story about someone naming their girls Tahlia and Jenna and apparently the mum yelled out at a party Jenna Tahlia come here, she wondered why everyone went quiet so now she calls them out as Tahlia....pause......Jenna.......

HAHAHAHAHA

Adam Zapel
Al Bino
Al Fresco
Alf A. Romeo
Amanda Lay (real person)
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Anita Bath
Anita Knapp
Aretha Holly
Barb Dwyer
Skip Dover
Bud Wieser (real college math teacher)
Buster Hyman
C. Good (alledgedly a real eye doctor)
Carrie Dababi ("carry the baby" - Dababi is an Egyptian name)
Constance Noring
Craven Moorehead
Dick Bender (real sports person)
Dick Finder (real name of a urologist)
Doris Schutt (Doris Open...)
Doug Graves
Doug Witherspoon
Dr. Beaver
Dr. Bender (Chiropracter)
Dr. Butcher
Dr. DeKay
Dr. Gass (allegedly a real anesthesiologist)
Dr. Hurt (real pediatrician in Saginaw, MI)
Dr. Hymen
Dr. Look (real opthalmologist in Hawaii)
Dr. Looney - a psychiatrist of course!
Dr. Payne (plastic surgeon in Sandusky, OH)
Dusty Sandmann (real person, submitted by his dad Roger Sandmann)
Evan Keel
Faith Christian
Fanny O'Rear
Ferris Wheeler
Dr. Frank Bonebreak (real doctor)
Gae Hooker (allegedly real surgical prep nurse)
Gladys C. Hughes (glad to see you)
Harry Balls
Harry P. Ness
Harry Rump (a real plumber from Freemont, Maine!)
Helen Waite (credit manager - if you want credit go to Helen Waite)
I.D. Clair
I.M. Boring
Ima Hogg (a real person, daughter of a Texas governor)
Jim Laucher (gym locker)
Lance Boyle
Lance Butts
Laura Norder (law and order)
Lisa May Dye
Lou Zar (loser)
Mike Sweeney (sounds as Mike's weenie)
Mo Lestor
Ray Zenz (raisins)
Richard Chopp (real Urologist in Austin, TX, does vasectomies)
Reginald Soles (allegedly real brothers: R. Soles)
Dr. Steven Sumey (Dr. sue me, real person in Fairmont, MN)
Ty Coon
Will Wynn (Mayor of Austin, Texas)
Willie Leak (or won't he)

We found a Nanny!!!!

Wow I can't believe I found an Au Pair- got a lovely girl from New Zealand coming to live with us in early Feb to help care for boys. Works out cheaper than day care. I'm less stressed about going back to work now. She also speaks french so my kids will be able to swear in English and French!!! Nah she said she would be willing to teach them french too so I am sooo happy.

Will keep you all informed..........

My dad

Not a day goes by when I don't think of you. I don't have any regrets, I said and did all I had to do for you. It doesn't get easier- only someone who has experienced a death might understand. At least you would have loved your funeral- set on our property, you were already cremeted, we had a great service, I did the eulogy with Uncle Jack, I didn't want to but did. We played your favourite songs and of course had red and white as the theme. We released all these red and white balloons and watched them go really high- after that we ate and drank and then played back yard cricket. I looked up and saw someone had put a bottle of beer near your ashes and moved them so you could see the cricket game- you would have laughed at that. You would have said 'well done meego' only you ever called me that so imgine my surprise when Joshua called me 'meego' a few weeks ago, you must have told him. Cody Joel and Oskar put a single rose each near your ashes, by the end of the day they had died. I took photos of the flowers cause I wanted something to remember the day- so we didn't just have one day to remember you, but a lifetime. I made a DVD, it took me forever and many sleepless nights and we played this at the end, it wasn't sad, it was entertaining and we all had a laugh. Thank you for being so strong until Josh was born. I hated the doctors telling me how bad you were and I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole truth but I didn't want you to give up. The only thing I'm pissed off about was that you died on mums birthday!! How am I ever going to do anything nice for her on her birthday knowing that its the day you left us. I found you, it felt like Christmas day but without the presents and happiness- the smell of Christmas was still in the air, I tried so hard to imagine that you were just sleeping but I knew to keep you would have been selfish. I knew you didn't have to suffer anymore.

I'm angry cause now I can never get married with happiness- I dont have a dad to walk me down the asile, no dad to give me away or to do a toast. I don't know I could ever do such a big thing knowing an empty chair is all I have to remember you there. I still spray your aftershave in the house just to smell you, I have your ashes and wont let anyone take them.

Take care of Aunty Hazel, she left us just after you. And hold on to my little daughter until Im ready, I know you wanted her when you were alive but you'll just have to hold her for a while until she is ready for me. You know what I mean.

Love you dad.