If I spread myself any thinner they would name a margarine after me!!!!

After my last post and whingeing about being bored (for a whole 4 hours), my week certainly heated up!! I'm going to have to do this post in stages as so many things happened its hard for me to think straight. So let me start at the very beginning......

My afternoon shift was terrible, baby's popping out everywhere, no time to have a break (which is nothing unusual)!! One lady even delivered as she was being pushed in on an ambo trolley- that's what I call an express lane!!! So I go home and trying to unwind decide to open a lovely bottle of red and drink it over a nice warm Mc Chicken...mmm..... I end up going to bed at about 1am happy that I would have a sleep in the next day... But NOOOOO.....Then this happens.....I get a text message from my friend Kylie at 4:16am:

'My fukn water broke 0330hrs! Had a showa ready to go wen time
rite, nuthn else diff.'

OMG!!!! Im her support person and at least 3.5hrs away!!!!

I jumped on the phone and yelled at her for not
ringing in case I missed the sms and while speaking to her managed to
get dressed and be in the
car and on my way within about 4 minutes..... She
wasn't in pain which was good and was quiet calm. I told her I was already on
the pacific highway on my way and would be there as soon as I could. She went to
wake her parents and daughter. I knew she had a 2 hour labour last time and was worried everything would happen quickly and I wouldn't be there in time
for her......I managed to reach the hospital just before 7am, in a record-
2.5hrs and was there 5 minutes before Kylie and her parents!

I should explain to you that Kylie was going solo with no partner, after 16 years we all thought she had found a really nice guy that she could settle down with- that was until the day he put a pillow over her head when she was 14 weeks pregnant and tried to suffocate her!!! Worse still I heard it all as I was on the phone to him trying to calm him down!!!! So as only a best bud would do I stepped in and took over the farchar (father) role. I went to most of her appointments, we went to the 4D ultrasound together and now I would be welcoming our little princess into the world..We even joined a website so we could talk to other expectant mothers that were due around the same time. We have made some nice friends and this has been really important as Kylie pretty much had no one else but me.

So........

The birth of....... (you gotta hear the story first!!)

Getting to the Hospital at 7am, we walk in only to be greeted by what I describe in my own words as cranky arse lesbian midwives(aka CALM) who seem to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and take it out on poor unsuspecting mothers to be. Weren't they in for a shock when I walked in as a support person considering I chose to do my midwifery in a far more superior teaching hospital, and a voice to advocate for my mate Kylie.

From the word go, I had a feeling this was going to be a very long day. Ducking out for 5 minutes to buy Kylie a present, I received a call from her to come back straight away. When I got back, the doctor had been in to see her and said that even though her waters had broken they were going to leave her for 24hrs to see if she would go into labour by herself- funny thing was, she was already in labour!!! The CTG machine showed clear uterine activity and to palpate she felt like she was having good mild to moderate contractions with good tone but lacked intensity and Kylie was in absolutely no pain (yes, I was secretly palpating her belly to see...hehehe). Kylie was upset that she had to wait another 24hrs so me being me went out and spoke to the doctor and pretty much told them to induce her because that's what she wanted. The doctor agreed, the midwives were pissed off but at least they were not going to leave her hanging like a shag on a rock waiting for labour. At this stage she hadn't dilated (not that they knew as they hadn't done an internal yet) and it took them until 4pm to finally start the induction!!!

So we waited, mucking around taking photos, reading and eating, reading posts on our mummy's website and texting friends. We were having fun and Kylie was relaxed but yet I couldn't understand why she wasn't feeling the contractions. By 8pm she decided her mum and daughter were tired and should go home so it was just me and her. I was sooo tired and trying hard not to fall asleep as Kylie was wide awake. We went for walks, she had a shower, we talked to keep each other occupied but still nothing. This is weird, she was now having a good dose of the drug Syntocinon with no affect. Surely something must be going on.

It was at about this time that I decided to use the toilet in the room so I didn't have to walk 100 metres to the public one..I have an issue with public toilets (see previous posts).....Kylie needed to go straight after me and as I lay down resting on the recliner chair she called out these exact words "You dirty bitch, get your arse in here now". Before I had even got up off the chair I proclaimed my innocence declaring that if it was a pubic hair it wasn't mine as I was well and truly groomed in that department and I swear I did not piss on the seat. She started laughing and told me to get in here now. I reluctantly got up and walked in only to see a hospital towel floating in the toilet bowl...I must have knocked it in when I went. We both laughed so hard we were crying and when the CALM came in she thought we must of been the weirdest people, laughing at a wet towel. I couldn't even contain myself to walk out of the room and put it in the laundry skip. I would just crack up laughing.The toilet incident!!


It certainly made for a very light and funny moment. By 11pm Kylie's 3rd different CALM aka Midwife came on to look after her. I don't know what happened but I fell asleep and apparently was talking to Kylie, I think I said to her 'oh don't worry thats normal' (my answer for everything by then), she said I sounded funny but was just delirious from working for the past 5 days and having been awake for almost 24 hrs....

By 1am when nothing had started, and the induction was now 9 hrs into it with no painful contractions the Midwife decided to do an internal to see what was happening!!! Well hallelujah, there is a God, finally someone was going to see what was happening. The midwife told Kylie- either your baby is bald or you have membranes INTACT!!! Do you think they could have told the poor girl this 20hrs ago!!!!! The doctor was called and told Kylie she could either have her forewaters broken as she must have ruptured her hindwater membranes which meant that a pocket of fluid was preventing baby's head from moving down and her to dilate or they could wait to morning and do it then.....She told them to do it now!!!!`

Within about half an hour Kylie was in established labour and alot of pain...I can never describe the feeling I felt when she looked at me and begged me to do something. She wasn't coping with the pain. I've seen many ladies in labour but this was the worst and affected me because I had been there for her through all the ups and downs of being pregnant. I was trying not to cry and was having trouble hiding the fact that I felt so sorry for her and couldn't take the pain away. I now know how husbands feel- helpless is the only word. I talked her through every single contraction and ended up getting her some Nitrous Oxide. Its funny watching people suck the happy gas in, they say the strangest things. She was doing so well and after about an hour of hell she got an epidural. By 7am she was feeling the pain again and they gave her a top up. By 8am she was fully dilated and ready to push this baby out, only problem was, baby was now unhappy and Kylie couldn't feel anything. It was decided that a vacuum extraction might be the only answer.....

So with a drum roll it is with great pleasure to introduce our little princess

Amelia Jane weighing 3150gms and 48.5cm long.......

A very big thank you to our cyber friend and mum to be Shannon, aka crossing fingers and toes, for all the help and sms support you gave us during a very long labour.

We both ended up being awake for more than 30 hrs!!!!! I was exhausted.....

But for me it doesn't end there.

The next day I had to go to a wedding.....I was stuffed but drove the 3.5hrs back down to Sydney to attend my ex school mate and partner in crime Matthew and his now wife Kylie's wedding. I have lots of photos but I've been typing for ages so, Ive just attached 2. I'll post more photos tomorrow.

A Big Congrats to Matt and Kylie on a lovely day and a life of happiness. Kylie you looked beautiful and I hope your day was everything you dreamt of and more......

But it doesn't end there.....

I'm now back in Sydney after going home the following day and have to finish the week off before officially relocating to the staff quarters with the kids and nanny........I really should be skinny by now....and if I must say so myself I looked pretty hot at the wedding....hehehehe