My unfortunate family

Sometimes blogs are used as a way of blotting down how great ones life is or to focus on impersonal posts that are for decorative or entertainment purposes. I prefer to use my blog as a way of blotting my thoughts and ideas and my feelings, to also debrief when times are tough and for people to have a rare glimpse of who I really am. I'm not always funny and happy all the time. Sometimes I am around people but still lonely. Sometimes I think I am right when I am wrong.



This is my thoughts today, maybe people who read this might understand me a little better.



I went to church yesterday, back to my original church. It was like walking back into my lounge room. I've realized that they are more family than my real family. I don't have anything to do with my mothers family, over the years I've learnt that I just don't like them. When a grandmother focuses on teaching her great grandchildren how to swear, its not exactly the environment I want my kids bought up in.

Last year, after the death of my dad, they tried to buy my mums love (as my grandmother tries to do with everyone). She conned my mother into living with her and becoming totally dependant on my grandmother, not even being able to have her own thoughts and ideas and my mums life revolving around taking her to her many doctors appointments even though there is nothing wrong with her.

If you know me well you will also know I say exactly how it is. I'll also stick up for myself and my family no matter what. This is why my grandmother doesn't like me. She once told me that if my dad had a grave she would dance and spit on it....nice hey...that was two weeks after he died....She has no heart but most of all she lacks the ability to love someone. She thinks money can buy her love but unfortunately all the family members that gain financially from her think she is a big nutter too butthey all put up with it to get things from her.

Its taken until now for my mum to realize that environment was not the best for her, today she is now trying to rebuild her life without the negative influences that she had around her and she is doing really well....

I guess because I have intelligence, I can be a target for jealously. A big joy is knowing I don't have to resort to selling soaps and working in a shoe shop because I lack the grey matter between my ears. I got a career and a life and don't feel it necessary to sponge off elderly people to get by. I look after my own.

I've lost alot in the last 12 months, my house, my job for having a baby, my dad. But I cannot stress about things I cannot change. I have to pick my feet up and move on. That's what i am doing. So is my mum.

I have some amazing special people in my life and I am so grateful for them:



Megan: like a sister to me if not more. We have completely different lifestyles but have common ground. She is amazing. I'm so grateful for reacquainting myself with her after our school reunion last year. Now we are in daily contact and she means the world to me.



Kerensa: A far more wiser person than I ever will be. Without a doubt she would be there for me at a drop of a hat. Loosing our dads just months apart was hard. She has two great kids and if not for them we wouldn't have met. Things do happen for a reason.



Kylie: and OUR beautiful baby Amelia. After loosing contact for 2 years, we are back and as thick as thieves. I take great pride in knowing that I can handle your personality even in the most difficult of circumstances and will forever have a special bond with Amelia as I cut her cord.......Bec isn't missed she is an amazing young women and I can't wait to one day see her playing bowls for Australia.



My midwifery mates: We have developed great friendships and even though we come from all corners of the world and have different lifestyles we always look out for each other and not a day goes by when I don't enjoy coming to work. I look forward to every Thursday as its our catch up day and gossip day...hehehehe....I can't wait until our 'half way there party' in a few weeks.



The Dicksons: who at a drop of a hat every single one of them go out of their way to be there for us yet are happy to slip into the background with no expectations of something in return.



My dads family: In the last year my dads sister passed away after a big battle with cancer. Her last words I heard her say was when someone asked what she was thinking, she turned and looked so peaceful and said 'Terry actually', that's my dad!!!! I'll keep that in my memory bank forever. My Aunty Hazel passed away exactly this time last year, she was the sweetest lady ever. I miss her very much and my dad was very close to her. My dads family have been having a Christmas party every year for the past 49 yrs, its a tradition and I look forward to catching up with them every year- its a highlight and kicks off the Christmas festivities.



Berni and Oskar: My ex sister in law is more family than my own brothers!!! And Oskar is my cute nephew who I adore but don't get to see nearly as much as I would like.



My Aunty Stevie and Aunty Phil: The only family members on my mums side that I like. Who cares about the rest. My Aunty Stevie is more of a grandmother than my real grandmother



My mummy: Although she is at times the things she does are completely strange, I do love her very much and we really only have each other. Now that her family are no longer in the picture we can enjoy a mother daughter relationship again the way it should be. I'd always look after her no matter how much she pisses me off at times. I love my mummy.



My boys: Cody, Joel and Joshua who mean everything to me. Words can't describe the love you feel for your own flesh and blood.



Stephen: Although our relationship has not been smooth, It can only get better because it cant get much worse.



Well that's my family. I'm not interested in people that attempt to make my life a misery. Your emotions are being wasted on me and I hope and pray every day that you find peace within yourself.

My greatest gift right now is clarity and I've found it.