I promise Ill be back soon with major updates

For whatever might have been,

and all that it never was,

whatever i couldnt see

and all that i didnt want

whenever you want it,

whenever you need it

whenever you feel like,

its gon' be like

you better believe it.

whenever you feel like dancing you dont have to dance alone,

you should already know... I CHOOSE YOU!!!

Its him, its always been him

Yep this is to you

See I don't know why I liked you so much
I gave you all of my trust
I told you I loved you now that's all down the drain
You put me through the pain, I wanna let you know how I feel

Fuck what I said, it dont mean shit now
Fuck the presents might as well throw em out
Fuck all those kisses, it didnt mean jack
Fuck you, you prick, I dont want you back

You thought, you could Keep this shit from me,
yeah You burned,
I heard the story You played me,
Now you're askin for me back
You're just another jack,
look elsewhere Cuz you're done with me

You questioned, did i care
You could ask anyone, I even said You were my great one
Now it's over, but I do admit I'm sad It hurt real bad,
I cant sweat that, 'cuz I loved a prick

If you are reading this,

then I know you care and thats all that matters

*Waiting for my Edward Cullent to return*

Launching CoJo Inc Designs

I've now offically launched my home business CoJo Inc Designs

Its basically home made childrens and kids clothes as well as other items that Ive either designed and invented or found similar but made changes to produce a better product.

I cant wait to get everything up on the site so you can all see what Ive been doing.

CoJo Inc Designs

Made with love

Lately Ive been doing lots of sewing. Ive made some Modern Cloth nappies, training pants that are sooo cute, little sun dresses to match the training pants, overalls and the list is getting bigger all the time.

Here are some of my Modern cloth nappy creations. Made with a waterproof PUL outter layer, bamboo tri layer for absorbancy and soft soft minkie on some are too, just too cute to poo and wee in.

Im also starting to make cot and bassinet sets that I hope to have the confidence to sell. These will be cute funky and different.

Green minkie- oh so soft

disco diva

under the sea

Outta space

Cow print

African safari

2 years living with Multiple Sclerosis

In June 2007 I was diagnosed with MS, possibly the worst time of my life and I had noone to lean on :(, I was studying and had to continue to go to work, pretending that everything was ok. The stress from work was huge and to be honest I dont think anyone I worked with got to know the real me because I had so much stuff going on in my head it got in the way of enjoying life and having fun.

Fast forward 2 years and Im still here. Ive made the very big decision of not returning to work. I need to be a mum to my boys, Joel has asbergers and is very time consuming and Andy is just a baby. Not to mention Cody in high school and Josh just 3 yrs old. I feel good about my decision. I dont regret it at all. I also need to concentrate on being healthy. I need to be comfortable in knowing that if I end up in a wheelchair and need help Im not going to be a big fat burden on others. I want to live at home, not in some dodgy nursing home with strangers washing me. I'd rather be dead.

So people ask me all the time What is MS?

Basically multiple sclerosis is a chronic progressive nervous disorder involving loss of myelin sheath around certain nerve fibers, so the protective covering of the nerves breaks down and exposes the nerve which then affects messages and signals to the brain.

How does it affect me?

I have what I call small problems. My balance is completely gone, I cant walk on my heels but can walk on my toes for short distances. I fall over like a drunk sometimes or trip over thin air, when Im tired I walk funny.

I have very little sensation in my feet and legs so you can stick a needle in my feet and I cant feel it or I dont feel the sharp sensation, only the blunt feeling of something there. I wore sneakers the other day and didnt realise the shoelaces were too tight and my big toe on both feet turned black. I've also slammed my little toe in the car door and broke it, dont ask me how, Im just special ;)

The pins and needles come and go, annoying more than anything and I have bad restless legs at night so Im on some Antiparkinson medication and one of the side affects is a gambling compulsion lol, I havent started gambling yet phew lol.

I get really tired but try to manage that by resting when I can or even just sitting down for a while during the day. I need to do more physical exercise but Im too tired.

So thats kinda me and my MS, I had an MRI the other week and got the results yesterday. The good news is there is no significant changes in 2 years which is fantastic. I'd seriously give up if I had new lesions.

But, I look at life differently. I'll take the MS because it means someone else doesnt get it and a friend told me that "God doesnt give you anything he doesnt think you can handle' So I think he thinks Im pretty strong and thats a good thing.

A visit from Lana and Abby

Just the cutest little girl and she knows it too.

She knew I was taking her photos but wouldnt smile at first, a Diva moment I think. She has a gorgeous personality and knows more than she lets on.

mmmmmm whats this all over the big boys face?

'Hello, daddy, save me from these big boys, no girl toys in sight'

mmmmm boys toys are fun.....

This week we had a visit from my old school pal Lana and her daughter Abby. Was so nice to see them. We chatted over a tea and chilled chocolate cake while Abby explored the world of boys. Still feels like we are teenagers only older and with 5 kids between us.

At home

The weather has been fantastic up until a few days ago so we took advantage of the great weather and spent lots of time outside

I have never been so sick in all my life

It all began almost 2 weeks ago when I had an evil roast turkey, it proceeded to a massive gall attack aka biliary colic episode, just awful. So much worse than labour. But this time the pain didnt go away, I lasted 24hrs in agony then dragged my butt to the hospital.

They did bloods and gave me an injection and sent me home with an ultrasound for the following morning- HELLO Dr nothing helps with gall pain. I got home and lasted till 930pm when I told mum to call an ambo something was wrong, it didnt feel right. Ambo came and I had some of that gas in the green tubing- tastes so bad but the only thing to take the edge off the pain. Got to hospy and was told that they were 'happy to see me' turns out my blood were 'bad'- thats how this Dr described them too me. Considering I was under the influence of the green funny stuff I asked if we should ground them until they behave (couldnt help it lol).

The next day another Dr told me my liver function wasnt good, ultrasound said lots of stones (Ive got them now) but no inflammation. I was to be put on a waiting list and stay in hospy until things settled down. Spent the rest of the week not eating and on morphine- did nothing. Then the brainy Drs decided to try me on solids. Within 10 mins I was giving birth again, SOOO painful. By this stage I was willing to let the cleaner take my gall bladder out. Next day surgeon comes in and says Liver function is getting worse and I was now a nice shade of yellow thanks to the jaundice. Sooo, Sunday comes and they decide I need my Op ASAP- couldve told them that days ago- actually I did lol. I had my lap coli on Sunday with one largish stone and lots of little ones. oh and lots of inflammation.

Next day Dr comes in and says he is transferring me to Newcastle as my liver is packing it in and they suspect stones in the bile duct and I need them out. Have that endoscope surgery thingy to get those stones out but turns out there are no stones in the bile duct. I go home the next day after lots of begging. I still have to keep an eye on my liver function but Im not yellow so thats a bonus and best of all I was home to spend the day with my little man Andy who turned one on friday. I even made his cake for him- little cupcakes. I loved every second being home just watching him play. So on the mend now. I was sooo sick I didnt even have net withdrawals hahaha.

Then this awful bruise starts coming out over my stomach above my belly button. Its twice the size as this photo but the shape of the bruise looks like a dog lol.

Turns out I have a burst blood vessel and a massive haematoma. Nothing like getting complications after 2 lots of surgeries.

So the last 2 weeks of my life are now offically the most painful and worst days I can imagine. Ill never eat fatty foods again after this, just horrible.





Now to catch up on blogging.................................................................

My little man turns one

My gorgeous little man turned one on the 1st of May. I was lucky enough to be home from hospital the day before so his birthday involved alot of phone calls from hospital to organise presents and unfortunately meant cancelling a little teddy bears picnic we had organised. Daddy was very good and took care of the presents while nanny bought him the cutest little chair that he loves, just like his big brother Josh got for his first birthday. Luckily I managed to have enough energy to make his cup cakes and as the photos show he loved every bit of it. The funny thing was when he got a card he would study and read the card which was very cute. All my babies are growing up.

Cherie and Scotts Wedding 18th April 2009

I was so excited to go to one of my dearest friends weddings. Cherie and I have been friends since we were 12 yrs old. She moved to Queensland in high school and we kept in contact writing to each other and then visiting. Her twin brother was friends with my little brother and one of her older brothers is friends with my older brother. So her wedding was extra special. I met scott a few months ago and he is a lovely guy. Im sure they will be very happy. The church service was in Ipswich and the reception at a beautiful winery in Marburg Queensland. The grounds were so pretty. We had a great time and the reception was very much the personality of cherie and scott- we even had a country band playing. I thought it was very cool.

A lovely old church on the grounds of the winery

Bridesmaids and flower girls

Pressie church at Ipswich- lovely building

Cherie, Scott and Cheries brothers- yep all 4 of them

The ring exchange

The vows

The gorgeous flower girls admiring the bride

The rings again



Scott watching Cherie walk down the asile.

Have a wonderful life together Mr and Mrs Marshall

MS 24 hour mega swim

In July this year I will be participating in the annual 24 hr megaswim which raises funds for people living with MS. In 24hrs my team has to swim as many laps as we can. Im so excited to be part of this event.

Id love it if you could sponsor me even in a small way.

Click here for more details: http://events.megaswim.com/?clubmeegan

Adventerous Andy

Little bugger got into the butter...what fun to clean up too

A very tough week

This week saw me recieving news that an old school buddy of mine passed away in tragic circumstances. I was devasated and shocked. David "Wally" was always the fun one. Always the one joking around and the 'go between' guy working out everyones problems.

I last spoke to him 2 years ago, he seemed happy and content after having another little baby girl. I remember he wouldnt even come out for drinks with us and chose to stay home with his partner and help with the children.

My fondest memory of Wally was when I was dating my childhood sweet heart and one true love Paul. We went over the Wallys house in the school holidays and he came up to me in all seriousness and asked me if Paul could touch my boob. He was always thinking of his mates. I was so embarrased.

Another time him and a few friends decided it would be safe to have a smoke at school and they found the perfect spot- under the teachers staff room. Of course the smoke went straight up and they got sooo busted.

We also caught the bus in our group to and from school. Wally and Paul were always loaded with money, they mustve had huge allowances. We would get hot chips and fresh bread rolls near the bus station and hang out under the patrick mall car park while they had a fag. I remember it was chips with chicken salt a drink from franklins to save money and a bread roll to make a chip sanga. If we didnt have enough money we could barter with others in the group and we would end up having a good feed.

Those were the days.

David leaves behind 4 children and a partner. My heart goes out to them and his amazing family.

I cant believe how much his little boy looks like him- David take two.

I also came to realize I lost two friends this week :(

I cant go into it and I dont want to right now, maybe in time I will. But I have well and truely lost the only boy/man that I have ever truely loved with every beat in my heart and every breath in my lungs. I have to accept that this is the cards Ive been dealt, I need to live with them no matter how much it hurts. I need to let go, completely. I tried to once but he came back. I even asked him to help me delete all our photos together so I had no memories of our times together but he refused. He wanted me to keep them. I still have my love letters from 20 yrs ago. But all that has to go. My whole life will revolve around my children and my duty as a mother. I now completely understand I will never be happy in my own life and have someone for me but that maybe my purpose in life is to be a mother and nothing else.

So Ive cleansed myself once and for all of this person, all is gone. Im hoping in time I develop enough memory loss that I completely forget.

This week was not a very good week at all :(

MIA but back in action

WOW its been a pretty full on couple of weeks, I havent been able to sit down long enough to update my beloved blog, but Im back now and promise to keep you all updated.

Ive had 2 neices born in the last 2 months. Nathan and Rachel had a lovely little girl called Lily Rose born on the 24th of december.

Adam and Sarah had a gorgeous bubba Annabel Mylee born on 27th of January.

I've finally got some pink to spoil....cant wait, bit of a pink drought in my house at the moment.

Ive met my dear Annabel but havent yet met Lily which is disappointing but hopefully will see her soon.

Baby Annabel and mummy Sarah having a cuddle

Annabel and daddy

My Cloth wearing Bubba

I didnt think Id love cloth nappies so much but that was until I learnt about MCN's or modern cloth nappies, they are the coolest things ever and Andy has a great supply of some very funky nappies, it also saves heaps of money and isnt that bad cleaning them. Im pretty stoked with the savings and everyone comments on his very cute bum.

My favourite nappies are the itti bitti d'lish and the CGR customs like the one above but the best news ever is that Ive been given a sewing machine and overlocker so I can now make my own. I cant wait to show them off.

3rd Anniversary

The 19th of January marked the anniversary of my dads passing. Not a day goes by when I dont think of him or wish he was here. Its also my mums birthday which is extra hard as she never wants to celebrate or have a cake or do anything. Its hard to be happy for her yet still be so sad for my dad not being here. He would have turned 60 next month, in June they wouldve celebrated 40 yrs of marriage.

He was called Dad, Pa Tezza, Dadda and tata salad.

This is how I will always remember my dad

The big move

The last month has also seen us move house. We were renting a lovely brand new place but it never felt like home, we werent allowed to put photos on the walls and I love my photos, we also had no privacy as the owners had a holiday unit attached to the main house. It never felt right. So when they said they were putting the rent up I looked elsewhere. I found an awesome house. 4 bedrooms, plus a granny flat for my mum. Heated pool, air con fireplace, spa, even a double shower in my ensuite, all on 5 acres. I was stoked. We moved in two weeks ago and love the place. It feels more like home and the best news of all is that is possible could become ours if things pan out this year as I hope they will. I'll just have to wait and see.....

Ill post some photos up very soon

Why????

A question that Im sure wont be answered and who knows the answer?

The year 2008

What a year 2008 has been with many exciting achievements, new arrivals and goals achieved, its also been another year of challenges and taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture in life and trying to join the peices of the puzzle together.

This year has seen many exciting things happen. I spent 5 months of the year pregnant with Andy who was born in May. He will be 8 months old tomorrow, time has flown by, he crawls, pulls himself up on furniture, says mummm, and dadadada and bubba. He looks when you call his name, tries to stand up in his cot, has 3 teeth with the 4th one hoping to make an appearance anyday. He isnt sleeping through the night yet but he is perfect with ginger red hair and beautiful blue eyes. He certainly has fitted into our family life very well.

This year I also got to meet my neice for the first time. She is 7 and we had no idea she exisited. We have missed out on so much of her life but hope as she gets older we will see more of her. She is so smart, a real high achiever and I hope in years to come she will read back on this and know that I am so proud of her and hope she continues to excel and make something of her life. I know she will.

I also finished my second degree in Midwifery. It was the hardest time of my life. To be thrown into the deep end in a very high risk hospital was overwhelming. Not only did I return from maternity elave after Joshua, I jumped straight into a full on university degree. I felt such pride the day I graduated. I had to hold back the tears, I felt so relieved that Id finally finished.

I also started my MS treatment. grrrrrr daily injections that leave welts and itchy lumps all over my stomach and legs, thank got Ive got a fat gut with lots of room to inject. I hate them but I do it so I can continue to be a mum and live an active life.

I've also become involved with my local playgroup and spend many hours with play dates, playgroup and mummys nights out and have made some great life long friends. We have had such a ball going out, meeting up an chatting. I luff my girls. Ive become such good friends with them, Renee pictured below with our best facebook attempt and Paula also doing out 'self portraits' are my buds. We are the funky committee that are the coolest ever. I luv em.

I turned 33 this year. Another year older, dont know about the wiser part though.

So bring on 2009, A year of new beginnings, fresh starts, exciting adventures and maybe even a few surprises along the way.

I also had a new niece Lily Rose, born on christmas Eve. Nathan is smitten with his new daughter and soon it will be Adam and Sarahs turn to have their very first baby- a little girl due any day now, I think her name is going to be Annabel which is so cute. I notice every Annabel I come across now.

So although pretty low key still lots of things happening in the day of the life of a Williams.

What will 2009 hold?

I go back to work

My big boy turns 13

We start building our house- finally

And Im sure a few more surprises will come our way too.

So bring on 2009 Im all ready.