In June 2007 I was diagnosed with MS, possibly the worst time of my life and I had noone to lean on :(, I was studying and had to continue to go to work, pretending that everything was ok. The stress from work was huge and to be honest I dont think anyone I worked with got to know the real me because I had so much stuff going on in my head it got in the way of enjoying life and having fun.
Fast forward 2 years and Im still here. Ive made the very big decision of not returning to work. I need to be a mum to my boys, Joel has asbergers and is very time consuming and Andy is just a baby. Not to mention Cody in high school and Josh just 3 yrs old. I feel good about my decision. I dont regret it at all. I also need to concentrate on being healthy. I need to be comfortable in knowing that if I end up in a wheelchair and need help Im not going to be a big fat burden on others. I want to live at home, not in some dodgy nursing home with strangers washing me. I'd rather be dead.
So people ask me all the time What is MS?
Basically multiple sclerosis is a chronic progressive nervous disorder involving loss of myelin sheath around certain nerve fibers, so the protective covering of the nerves breaks down and exposes the nerve which then affects messages and signals to the brain.
How does it affect me?
I have what I call small problems. My balance is completely gone, I cant walk on my heels but can walk on my toes for short distances. I fall over like a drunk sometimes or trip over thin air, when Im tired I walk funny.
I have very little sensation in my feet and legs so you can stick a needle in my feet and I cant feel it or I dont feel the sharp sensation, only the blunt feeling of something there. I wore sneakers the other day and didnt realise the shoelaces were too tight and my big toe on both feet turned black. I've also slammed my little toe in the car door and broke it, dont ask me how, Im just special ;)
The pins and needles come and go, annoying more than anything and I have bad restless legs at night so Im on some Antiparkinson medication and one of the side affects is a gambling compulsion lol, I havent started gambling yet phew lol.
I get really tired but try to manage that by resting when I can or even just sitting down for a while during the day. I need to do more physical exercise but Im too tired.
So thats kinda me and my MS, I had an MRI the other week and got the results yesterday. The good news is there is no significant changes in 2 years which is fantastic. I'd seriously give up if I had new lesions.
But, I look at life differently. I'll take the MS because it means someone else doesnt get it and a friend told me that "God doesnt give you anything he doesnt think you can handle' So I think he thinks Im pretty strong and thats a good thing.
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